Compassion in the Face of Conflict

By Kyle Davidson…. Down and Out Press 2025

At many moments in life, conflict occurs. Depending on your perspective, conflict can feel constant. According to the dictionary, conflict is “an active disagreement between people with opposing opinions or principles.” Internal conflict, then, can be understood as an argument or disagreement with yourself.

Internal conflict is often portrayed in art in an exaggerated or symbolic way—an angel on one shoulder, a devil on the other, often with ridiculous circumstances attached. But in real life, internal conflict is complicated. The human mind is great at ignoring complicated problems. Still, the truth is this: with acceptance and compassion for yourself when experiencing internal conflict, it becomes possible to solve it—just like external conflict.

Once, I was faced with an inner conflict: I was torn between feeding that conflict—or letting go and being grateful, no matter the situation. My decision mattered because it would affect my perspective for the rest of my life.

Montana

Fear of starvation and failure. Fear that the journey I was on was pointless.

My partner Maria and I were hitchhiking on the side of a highway in Montana. We had already been chased out of the train yard by a bull, so we decided to hitchhike instead. Maria and I stood there—angry, anxious, and worn down—too far from society to obtain even the basics for survival. I had already traveled most of the United States by that point, and it all felt familiar: the constant internal conflict of how to deal with the complications of life.

When internal conflict arises, we often become overwhelmed by choices or fears. Conflict is not a discussion. Conflict is an argument. In the case of internal conflict, it’s an argument with yourself. But just like external conflict, there is always one constant option: to respond with compassion. To listen, to grow, to agree to disagree, or to simply let it be.

This place—this fight with ourselves—is a recurring one. To be present and find compassion amid it all was nothing new, and would not be the last time I faced it. I began to tell Maria about an experience I had that redefined my understanding of how to deal with internal conflict.

California

Years before Montana, I had found myself along the coast, conflicted and frustrated with reality itself—unable to accept my own mistakes. I was scared and unable to summon the strength of will it took to push forward. I’d been stuck on the side of the Coastal Highway 101 for two days without food and had run out of water the day before. The only water for miles in any direction was the salty ocean.

I was frustrated with the world, conflicted with my decision to leave New Mexico and push further west. I had never hitchhiked before, and I had left behind my friends and the homeless support systems in Santa Fe. In just one month, I had already been jumped in Los Angeles, slept in poison oak, and been ticketed by the police. I was hungry—for food, yes, but also for direction. I searched trash cans and dumpsters. I had nothing, and no one.

But it was there, on that highway in California, where I had an awakening about internal conflict.

The Shift

Frustrated, hungry, thirsty, lonely, and exhausted, I began to give up—to give in to the fear and self-hatred, to hate my reality and myself for creating it. Hundreds of cars passed. I had been walking for days. How much longer could I last?

Society disgusted me. There was no understanding. No compassion. I was beating myself up for nothing.

Then I realized: in order to overcome internal conflict, I had to accept my situation and meet it with compassion.

When you’ve been truly alone for some time, you can no longer blame others for your suffering. Acceptance, I thought to myself. Why am I suffering from these negative thoughts—not to be confused with suffering from the external? It was my internal conflict that was making me suffer.

And that thought changed my life.

In that moment, my fear became confidence. My hatred became compassion. Something shifted. I was no longer overwhelmed by anxiety. I was free of suffering, and tears of joy fell to the ground.

Then I looked down—and found forty-some-odd dollars, some weed, and almost immediately, I was picked up and given a ride sixty miles down the road. That was the moment I remembered again, years later, on the side of the highway in Montana, when things once again looked as bad as they could get.

Maria was screaming, more violently now. She began to walk off. I looked down—and there it was. A diamond.

“This must be some kind of joke,” I thought to myself.

“Did you put this here?” I asked.

“No,” Maria said simply, both of us in awe.

A Choice in Every Moment

It is our response to conflict, whether internal or external, that defines us.

If we feed it, conflict will grow stronger within us. But if we choose compassion, we can build something stronger—something that doesn’t just survive, but thrives, even in the worst of circumstances.

These moments are more than just questions of right or wrong. They are questions of how we treat ourselves. How can we live a joyful life, even when life itself is the source of suffering?

What does your true self say about how you interact with your pain?

The strength of the fight—love vs. hate—is a constant in internal conflict. The two sides of any conflict may change, but there is always a third way: acceptance.

We owe it to ourselves to accept things as they are.

And then—the universe will abide. Or at least you will die happy.